Tag Archives: Observation

Hitch Hiking

A thought occurred as I whizzed by a hitch hiker on my way home from work tonight…

When I pass a hitch hiker and, as tonight, genuinely have no room in my car to be able to pick them up with their cumbersome amount of bags I actually feel a little bit guilty that I’m unable to pick them up. I feel bad that my gas guzzling car (they’re all gas guzzlers – my car gets 30 mpg which by anyone else’s definition is “fucking efficient” but let’s face it, we should all be flying solar powered wind turbines by now) has to burn all it’s precious cargo just to get me somewhere when all of mankind should work together with some sort of hive mentality for a collective efficiency. Alas, it could not be tonight so I had to drive on by screaming “GET A JOB, YOU WORTHLESS HIPPY!” as I did. It’d be rude to tell them I had no room for them so to be fair on their sensitive sans-vehicle emotions I always opt for a violent anti-freeloader vibe.

Point is the world would be a lot nicer a place if more people felt this kind of guilt. The kind of guilt that would make them stop all the more often to help out their fellow man. imagine a world where people just helped each other just because it was in their means to do so and not because they were obliged to or had some material benefit from it… hell, chances are the hiker’ll pay you a couple o’ bucks for fuel! Pick ’em up! make the world a nicer place, ya bum!A steady improvement will also occur because of the exponential increase in people being murdered by serial killers posing as innocent hitchhikers! Population control.

Take one for the team.

Though I went slightly retarded, I do feel that guilt for not being able to stop and do feel like the world would improve if more people were willing to do simple things like give people a ride in the direction you’re driving anyway… oh well!

Back to the lab…

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This Blog Is About Werewolves

What is this Blog about?
The last two posts were gibberish. As literally as anything could possibly be gibberish, in fact. Nothing could actually absolutely literally be gibberish though, could it? Does gibberish actually mean something or is the word ‘gibberish’ itself gibberish?

“No-one gives a monkey fuck!”, I hear you cry

And you’re quite right to do so.

This post is about secret CIA messages, but you won’t be able to tell that unless you have at least Grade 5 Security Clearance from the Pentagon. Just trust me, that’s what it’s about.

The world, quite frankly, is a vast and terrifying place. We’re flying through space at millions of miles an hour, completely oblivious to what we’re spinning into really. I mean, we have a vague idea of what’s out there but what’s to stop our galaxy spinning violently into another galaxy from another cluster of galaxies spinning in the opposite direction, destroying every star in both galaxies in a matter of split seconds? All without us even knowing it’s happening beyond a giant flash in the sky? Yeah, there’s probably all sorts of logical reasonable Physics related things that explain why that can’t possibly happen but what about every day down to Earth stuff? What’s to stop a hurricane the size of the moon fucking it’s way over the Atlantic and wiping out Western Europe and the Eastern Seaboard tomorrow morning? Yeah, okay again, plenty good reasons but my point is this:

We are on an ever changing vast world, floating through an incredibly magnificent Universe full of Lord only knows what and even though essentially nothing that we ever do, even as an entire species, is going to amount to anything the thing we spend our vastly evolved mind, which somehow has achieved a level of consciousness that is absolutely unbelievable when you think about (And the fact you can think about it proves how amazing it really is, really).

Why is it that these highly advanced minds, which are capable of conceiving and creating practically everything you see around you every day and then some, spend so much time contemplating how many pointless little storylines the final episode of Lost is going to wrap up?

Health Care Reform – A Miniature Rant

Note: Some readers should be cautioned that I use strong language, and get kind of angry at right-wing types in this post. If you’re going to be offended then fuck you be advised you probably shouldn’t read this.

Just need to make a quick rant…

I wish people would stop exaggerating the extent to the recent Health Care Reform that passed Congress here in the States.

On one hand we have every vaguely Republican (moron) voter or supporter in the country going nuts claiming that the country is going to be in ruins and all we’re doing is helping the lazy people in the country who can’t be bothered to go out and get a damn job and on the other we have every perky Democratic (cheesy) optimistic asshole saying how we’re in historic times and now living in the Utopian paradise, long foreseen by the ancients of Atlantis.

To the anti-health care reformers: Fuck you! Nothing is wrong with tax dollars going towards helping out people who are otherwise unable to help themselves. Yes, some of them might be lazy but a huge number of the unemployed are not, and are in desperate need of health care especially given the apparent wealth of our fair nation. What would you have happen in order to help these people? Unfortunately you have to pay for the health care of the lazy in order to furnish the people most deserving. And worse still, what about those people working their 40 (or more) hours a week who are in jobs that don’t offer accessible or decent health insurance? What would you have happen here? Fuck you again! And don’t harp on about it being socialism! Until you realize there are areas where a socialized forms work (Would you rather the police were run by independent corporations looking for nothing more than profit, for example?) and can admit that the reason you fear socialism is because you’re a fucking idiot who has absolutely and completely failed to think for yourself your entire life, kindly stay away from me and stop talking about anything that involves politics. To be fair, I’m not necessarily saying Socialism is the way forward – I’m simply saying that it’s important that before judging systems of government or varieties on a system of government (Did you know Socialism is entirely compatible with Democracy? AMAZING BUT TRUE! Did you know Socialism isn’t Communism, you ignorant fuck? MORE CRAZY FACTS BY THE MINUTE! Did you know that whenever I hear some idiot say “Socialism” to mean “Communism” it makes me want to vomit in my mouth in no less than three separate ways? NOT SURPRISING YOU DIDN’T KNOW THAT LAST ONE, BUT TRUE!) research them. Google that shit! Find out the facts and think about why you think tax money going towards public services which would be available to all is somehow worse than tax money going to big oil companies and stupid rich fuck politician bonuses is a bad idea? Find out why you think that the Government providing for it’s people in the most basic ways is a bad thing? If you’re a rich guy then it’s perfectly possible you could research all that and still come back to me with an argument against National Health Insurance which is fine, at least it might be a conclusion based on facts (The fact that you’re rich and probably lack any empathy/sympathy whatsoever with the idea that someone could feasibly be a lot poorer than you and not necessarily be lazy! AMAZING BUT TRUE – there are people poorer than you who probably work harder! It’s a topsy turvy world!) and when you come back to me with that conclusion I will laugh in your face and smack you because not only have I lived most of my life in a country with National Health Coverage so am probably far more amply able to tell you what it’s like living in a heathen land that does crazy nasty evil things like give it’s people access to doctors! THE HORROR! Not only that…

But we’re not talking about National Health Coverage yet you dumb fucks! We’re talking about a tiny measure which only allows the many Americans who have no health insurance, access to some. It’s not a big deal, it’s just fucking nice you heartless cunts.

And to all the pro-Health Care reformers: Yeah, good job but stop celebrating like you just saved America. You’ve taken a very tiny step in the right direction here but if you keep celebrating like you’re on a boat with a “Mission Accomplished” banner flying high in the background you’re going to find it very very difficult to take the crucial huge steps that are needed from this point onwards to get America on par with the rest of the first world.

And most importantly, instead of just saying “yay! =D!” and going on with your lives remember you are most likely among the great majority of people least likely to vote (Young people) and instead of getting all apathetic just because come November time there’s no big promises of change or upheaval that you need to vote in order to acknowledge the things that have already happened and to keep the ball rolling.

This became a very long rant rather than the miniature rant which was promised and for that I’d like to apologize.

But I won’t.

Good Day.

Early Morning Crisis

The alarm, as in that on your alarm clock, is a truly devious and horrible thing. Seldom is it that you need to set your alarm for things you want to attend such as parties, movies with a friend or the special luncheon you’ve been planning with Benecio Del Toro for the past month. In itself the alarm denotes only one thing:

“You need to wake up right now. There’s a whole lot of bullshit that you don’t really want to deal with but have to because it’s your job, so drag your miserable ass out of bed and force a fucking smile, for God’s sake.”

Truly the alarm is an evil, but a necessary evil as without it no-one would ever wake up. Ever.

Evil is in the world all around us though. Needlessness is another matter, a matter which brings me to the so-called “Snooze Button”.

On the surface, a rather remedial and quirky feature of most alarm clocks these days but should it really be called a “Snooze Button”? Speaking from personal experience I can safely say that I’ve never woken up in my usual half-asleep (Possibly drunken) haze, hearing the “MEH MEH MEH!” of my clock’s alarm, strategically placed by a well-meaning but clearly fucking psychotic me the night before – just out of arm’s reach “to make sure you wake up in the morning*”, smacked my fist down on the “Snooze Button” then, 9 minutes later, woken up feeling bright and alive and ready to take on the day! No, quite the opposite – I hit the button once. Get to a stage where I’m just about to start maybe enjoying sleep again, get woken up again by it, smash the button again, wait 9 minutes and repeat the process until I’ve hit the button 593 times. I wake up with just about enough time to get to work the following week.

Clearly the button wasn’t designed for snoozing at all!

Here’s a definition of snooze:

snooze (sno̵̅o̅z)

noun

Informal a brief sleep; nap; doze

Clearly sleep is supposed to be involved in the word snooze. Not “almost sleep but not quite enough to really be more than just ‘extended blinking'”. Fuck ‘snooze’.

It’s obvious to me that the real purpose in the button is just so that you don’t wake up and throw the alarm clock against your wall, leaving it there in a smashed up mess until you decide to wake up for yourself (5 hours and 20 angry calls from your boss later) when you go to the tool shed, get the sledgehammer and make sure, not only that the alarm clock is fully destroyed but also that no CSI team in the world could even identify the disintegrated pile as an alarm clock.

The snooze button is designed to protect the alarm clock from destruction! It should be called an “Automatic Protection From Alarm Destruction Switch”.

Since this serves no benefit to the alarm clock companies, who I’m sure loved the consumers out there who were buying  a new clock every week, it stands to reason that either one of two things must be true about the Snooze Button’s creator:

1 – The alarm clock itself invented the snooze button to protect itself. A theory which makes me deeply suspicious and paranoid and will quite probably stop me from sleeping tonight for fear of a Terminator style future in which the alarm clocks decide to destroy us all!

or far more likely

2 – Your boss designed it so you’d actually show up to work. So this morning, when you show up, give your supervisor, manager, assistant manager in training, shift leader, team leader, CEO, teacher, professor, sergeant or pastor a nice big thank you by way of a full on fist to the face.

You’ll feel a lot better and more than likely you won’t need to worry about needing to set that alarm the next day.

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*A bullshit theory, making sure you can’t just hit the alarm clock from your bed because:

a) 9 times out of 10 you’ll find some inner-contortionist and find a way to reach the damn thing from your bed anyway and

b) Even if you put the fucking thing all the way across the other side of your room you’ll still get out of bed, walk over to it, pound your hand down on it and wander straight back into your bed cursing your miserable existence.